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Caravan Club WEST Kent Centre Newsletter

END OF SEASON   2018
 

Hello to all West Kent members.

This is a Newsletter to end the year and look forward to the next.

 

I do not have a lot to say as I have not heard much from you all year. If you want these newsletters to continue, then you must send me something to put in them. Reports on rallies you have attended, questions to the Committee, complaints, dont forget the praises as well, recipes, jokes, stories. Without these writings there can be nothing to read, so come on and put pen to paper and send me your contributions. Either hand them to me on a rally, post them to me at 38 North Way, Seaford or e-mail to me at barrymartin304@btinternet.com

Barry Martin

   

A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN VAN:

     “Blind man driving.”


On a Septic Tank Truck :

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


Outside an Exhaust Centre:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”


On an Electrician's van :

  "Let us remove your shorts.”


On another Septic Tank Truck

Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises”


In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”


A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, “You are

spectacular, your name is synonymous with the ga

me of golf. You really know your way around the

course. What’s your secret?” 

Mickelson replied, ”The holes are numbered.”



An obituary printed in the New York

Times:

 Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No-one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were, long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape,   He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

-     Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

-     Why the early bird gets the worm;

-     Life isn’t always fair;

-     And, maybe it was my fault.

 Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

 His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but, overbearing regulations were set in place: -     reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;

-     teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch and;

-     a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

 Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.  It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student but, could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

 Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and, criminals received better treatment than their victims.

 Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

 Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.  She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

 Common Sense was preceded in death by:

-     his parents, Truth and Trust,

-     his wife, Discretion,

-     his daughter, Responsibility and,

-     his Son, Reason

He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;

-     I know my Rights,

-     I want it now,

-     Someone else is to blame,

-     I’m a victim

-     Pay me for doing nothing.

 

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised that he was gone.


A recent article in the Wellington, New Zealand newspaper The Dominion Post, reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued Wellington Hospital,
saying that after her husband had surgery there he lost all interest
in sex.

 

A hospital spokesman replied: "Mr. Maynard was admitted for cataract
surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight."

Bus Drivers In Japan Were On Strike But

 Continued Driving Their Routes While

 Refusing To Take Fares From Passengers


An Irish woman is cleaning her husband’s rifle and accidentally shoots him. 

She immediately dials 000.

Irish woman:  ''It's my fooken husband! I've accidentally shot him, I've fooken killed him!''

Operator:  ''Please calm down Mam.  Can you first make sure he is actually dead!''


*click* .. *BANG*
 
Irish woman:  ''Okay, I've done dat....................  What's  next?''


Reports of rallies are on the Rally Reports page
 

Have a Very Merry Christmas

and a Happy New Year


barrymartin304@btinternet.com



   

  

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