An obituary printed in the New York

Times:

 Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No-one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were, long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape,   He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

-     Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

-     Why the early bird gets the worm;

-     Life isn’t always fair;

-     And, maybe it was my fault.

 Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

 His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but, overbearing regulations were set in place: -     reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;

-     teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch and;

-     a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

 Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.  It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student but, could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

 Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and, criminals received better treatment than their victims.

 Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

 Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.  She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

 Common Sense was preceded in death by:

-     his parents, Truth and Trust,

-     his wife, Discretion,

-     his daughter, Responsibility and,

-     his Son, Reason

He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;

-     I know my Rights,

-     I want it now,

-     Someone else is to blame,

-     I’m a victim

-     Pay me for doing nothing.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised that he was gone.

A recent article in the Wellington, New Zealand newspaper The Dominion Post, reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued Wellington Hospital,
saying that after her husband had surgery there he lost all interest
in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Mr. Maynard was admitted for cataract
surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight."

Bus Drivers In Japan Were On Strike But

 Continued Driving Their Routes While

 Refusing To Take Fares From Passengers

An Irish woman is cleaning her husband’s rifle and accidentally shoots him. 

She immediately dials 000.

Irish woman:  ''It's my fooken husband! I've accidentally shot him, I've fooken killed him!''

Operator:  ''Please calm down Mam.  Can you first make sure he is actually dead!''

*click* .. *BANG*
 
Irish woman:  ''Okay, I've done dat....................  What's  next?''