A grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital.
She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said,
"Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her
blood work just came back normal and her Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged
tomorrow."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good
News."
The operator replied,
"You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said,

"No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. The staff tell me F*** ALL".   

... and walks up to the bartender to order a pint of lager and a ham and cheese sandwich. The bartender is flabbergasted to see a talking duck, but then quickly proceeds to pour the duck his drink and fetch his sandwich after seeing him get impatient
A few weeks pass and the duck becomes quite the local in the pub ordering the same pint of lager and ham and cheese sandwich. He gets friendly with the bartender and during some small talk the bartender asks what the duck does for a living. The duck explains how he is a plasterer and how work is often quite short round this area.
One day, the circus comes into town and the circus-master comes in for a pint. He gets chatting to the bartender and the bartender suddenly remembers about this talking duck.
“I’ve got a great act for you” said the bartender
“Really? Here is my card, give it to the duck when he next walks in”
The circus master leaves a big tip and leaves the bar
The next day the duck walks in for his usual, but this time the bartender talks to the duck about a new job offer
“I’ve got a fantastic job offer for you” said the bartender
“Oh great! I’m always looking for work” said the duck. “Where is it?”
“The circus!”
“The circus? Where they perform in those great big tents?”
“Yep that’s the one” said the bartender
“Where they all live in caravans?” Said the duck, confused
“You bet”
   
“Well why the hell would they want a plasterer?”   

Ingredients
1 lb courgettes, grated
8 oz vegetable oil
12 oz sugar
3 eggs beten
10 oz flour
1 ½ tsp baking powder
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1 ½ tsp ground cinamon
1 tsp grated nutmeg
6 oz walnuts, chopped

Method
Preheat the oven to 180ºC, gas mark 4.
Mix together the courgettes, oil, sugar and eggs. Sift the flour, baking powder, soda, spices & 1 tsp
salt into another bowl. Add the flour mixture to the courgette mixture and combine thoroughly. Stir
in the walnuts.
Spoon into a greased and lined 2lb loaf pan. Bake for 1 ¼ hours or until a skewer inserted into the
centre of the loaf comes out clean. Cool in the pan for 15 minutes before turning out onto a wire rack
to cool completely.